This my writing problem: I’m indecisive with the words I want to choose. There are so many possible ways a piece of writing can manifest itself. I don’t know if I want to choose the word beautiful or lovely or gorgeous. I don’t know if I started a piece right or ended a piece wrong. I don’t know if I wrote something too early or too late. Feelings are so hard to put into words. That’s why I think it’s important to set deadlines so when it’s done; it’s done. There’s no need to play with it or jolly it up. There’s only the next poem or prose. Moving on to the next big or small piece of writing is the only way a writer can stay alive in the art of creating. It’s both simple and complicated like that.
Looking for a writing community? Maybe this is a good place to start. 🌷
Your journey starts here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/765496810308265/ 🌷
Thank you so much, everyone, who purchased a copy of my debut poetry collection Confessions of a Wallflower. It may not seem much compared to how many books other self-published authors sell, but for me, this is a sign from the stars that this book is a self-fulfilled success. This may be the dawn, the seed to potential future prosperities as a young author. From the deepest, darkest and most troubled parts of my soul, I am grateful to everyone who keeps on supporting me both as a writer and as a fellow human being. I just want you to know that I love you, my precious reader, because my journey into the literary world has helped me with my inner everyday struggle against anxiety and depression.
I know that sometimes I write really dark stuff, but I am really recovering from my mental illness. I’m on my way to a better place with all the techniques that I’ve learned in therapy such as mindfulness, socializing and getting out of the house and through the sheer belief that I will get better. I haven’t been suicidal for a few months now, and I believe that it does get better because there’s always hope no matter how dark life gets sometimes.
I’m going to self-publish another book of prose and poetry next year, and it will be about my dark experiences with obsessive-compulsive disorder, suicidal thoughts and self-destructive habits that caused me a great deal of anxiety. It will also be about my experiences in falling in and out of love with a girl who also experienced a great deal of anxiety. Finally, it will be about my continuous journey to healing, recovery and finding the meaning of existence through my own philosophies.
Thank you for taking the time to read, and I hope you have a lovely day. 🌷 I wish you hope, love, and healing. ✨
The boy who cries wolf,
Juansen Dizon ✿
Sometimes the words I type feel unreal. Sometimes I think I’m losing my ability to write. I miss my old writer self when I was brave and playful and confident with my words. I wish I could turn back time and try to take it easy with myself. That the universe didn’t have to make sense to me. That I could’ve taken it one day at a time instead of burning myself out.
Someone once said that when you stretch your intellect beyond a certain point, you will crack up. And I think that’s what happened to me. I became so indulged with the power of creation that came with controlling the way that I think that made my mind crack. It’s now always anxious with or without reason. There isn’t a single day that it doesn’t think about death or the afterlife. It was trying to control the nature of my reality that sent me into a mental health facility.
I became so paranoid about something called “the butterfly effect” and how with every choice we make we create a different reality. With other lives that we’re leading. With other people we’re becoming. And I just want to be the perfect version of myself, but I feel like a failure nowadays. It’s hard to succeed when I’ve already lost my mind. And it’s even hard to live when everything I feel feels unreal.
My Instagram account is now back. I’ll be grateful for a follow here: https://www.instagram.com/juansendizon/ ✿
Hey. I just want to say thank you to everyone who supports my writings. I am going to self-publish my debut poetry collection early next year. I love you all and I wish you all a Merry Christmas. ❤️