Thank you so much, everyone, who purchased a copy of my debut poetry collection Confessions of a Wallflower. It may not seem much compared to how many books other self-published authors sell, but for me, this is a sign from the stars that this book is a self-fulfilled success. This may be the dawn, the seed to potential future prosperities as a young author. From the deepest, darkest and most troubled parts of my soul, I am grateful to everyone who keeps on supporting me both as a writer and as a fellow human being. I just want you to know that I love you, my precious reader, because my journey into the literary world has helped me with my inner everyday struggle against anxiety and depression.
I know that sometimes I write really dark stuff, but I am really recovering from my mental illness. I’m on my way to a better place with all the techniques that I’ve learned in therapy such as mindfulness, socializing and getting out of the house and through the sheer belief that I will get better. I haven’t been suicidal for a few months now, and I believe that it does get better because there’s always hope no matter how dark life gets sometimes.
I’m going to self-publish another book of prose and poetry next year, and it will be about my dark experiences with obsessive-compulsive disorder, suicidal thoughts and self-destructive habits that caused me a great deal of anxiety. It will also be about my experiences in falling in and out of love with a girl who also experienced a great deal of anxiety. Finally, it will be about my continuous journey to healing, recovery and finding the meaning of existence through my own philosophies.
Thank you for taking the time to read, and I hope you have a lovely day. 🌷 I wish you hope, love, and healing. ✨
The boy who cries wolf,
Juansen Dizon ✿
Sometimes the words I type feel unreal. Sometimes I think I’m losing my ability to write. I miss my old writer self when I was brave and playful and confident with my words. I wish I could turn back time and try to take it easy with myself. That the universe didn’t have to make sense to me. That I could’ve taken it one day at a time instead of burning myself out.
Someone once said that when you stretch your intellect beyond a certain point, you will crack up. And I think that’s what happened to me. I became so indulged with the power of creation that came with controlling the way that I think that made my mind crack. It’s now always anxious with or without reason. There isn’t a single day that it doesn’t think about death or the afterlife. It was trying to control the nature of my reality that sent me into a mental health facility.
I became so paranoid about something called “the butterfly effect” and how with every choice we make we create a different reality. With other lives that we’re leading. With other people we’re becoming. And I just want to be the perfect version of myself, but I feel like a failure nowadays. It’s hard to succeed when I’ve already lost my mind. And it’s even hard to live when everything I feel feels unreal.
My Instagram account is now back. I’ll be grateful for a follow here: https://www.instagram.com/juansendizon/ ✿
Hey. I just want to say thank you to everyone who supports my writings. I am going to self-publish my debut poetry collection early next year. I love you all and I wish you all a Merry Christmas. ❤️
Hey, fellow writers/bloggers/humans/readers 🙂
I am somehow finished with my poetry collection manuscript, and it’s 300 pages and eleven thousand words. I might add or subtract some pieces in the future, but I think it’s really solid now. Haha. Finally. 🙂
What really helped me with organizing my poetry collection were clear books. Lots and lots of clear books. PC folders. Lots and lots of PC folders. And coffee. Lots and lots of coffee that really heightened my productivity and anxiety for the past couple of days. And not to mention that I stayed awake for two straight days this week. (And I didn’t even take smart drugs) (And I don’t do smart drugs anymore)
Anyway, my poetry collection is going to be about depression, mental illness, love, loss, and self-love. And what’s really really making me sad and unexcited and anxious about this whole thing is the interior design.
You know….. things like: margins, spacing, fonts, and all of that. And I just can’t literally do it. And I’m really opting to just have it professionally done because I’m really bad at dealing with minor details. And I don’t want to blame myself in the future just in case I screw up with something.
As for the book cover, a high school friend of mine is doing it for me. So I am really thankful for him.
And I guess that’s it for now. 🙂
Christmas is near. And I just wish all of you a merry merry Christmas! 🙂
Practice writing sad things when you’re happy. And practice writing happy things when you’re sad.