Survivor’s Strength

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Never apologize for not being the same person other’s loved before the trauma. You are allowed to recreate yourself. You are allowed to reinvent your character, your sense of style and your hobbies. You are allowed to redefine your goals, your values and your vision of what makes a fulfilling life. That’s how you transform from being a victim towards becoming the survivor of your dreams.

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Watching My Father Grow Up

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Fatherhood is not synonymous with workaholism, it’s simply having enough money to send your kids to school, going to the movies every weekend and keeping the refrigerator full enough to have three meals a day. Fatherhood is not a right to force your children to believe in a religion you want them to follow as they mature, it’s simply teaching your children to be respectful, honest and kind. Fatherhood is not a privilege to punish your sons for not being masculine enough, it’s simply accepting that some boys have a strong feminine side that makes them write poetry, cry over sunsets and one day turn into men with softness in their hearts. These are the things my dear father had to learn for so many years, and I can somehow see that it has slowly turned his heart into a garden—gently reminding me sometimes that he has changed.

July 8, 2018

I’ve hated my father since I was 14 years old for all the abuse he put me through for so many years. Since I was 14 years old I told my mother on the day he dies I will be truly happy. It’s no surprise that Jansen feels the same way when he goes through his episodes. I was the first one to become mentally ill which was also triggered by him. He choked me. Told me he liked doing it while doing it. He did the same to Jansen when he also became bipolar. And we both agreed at some point that his death will somehow be a relief to the both of us. It’s hard to fake everything with someone who has caused you severe trauma. It’s funny that he’s a Christian. By the way, I’m not a Christian. I gave it a shot until I became a nihilist when I was nineteen. It wasn’t a choice, but sometimes I think that suicidal people turn to nihilism. But that’s another story, and I think this is enough to get out of my chest. Writing is better than breaking things. Writing saved me from breaking things. But that’s also another story. 

Hearts and Empires by Cynthia Go (Book Review)

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Prisoner

 

She built a wall, a fortress so high

That keeps her a prisoner of her own mind 

So on days she couldn’t glimpse the sun

Please don’t tell her to just get out and get about

Because darling, I assure you 

She doesn’t know how to escape

This lonely castle she built 

Out of her own tears, cut, and howl of anguish

Where hidden doors are called Happiness

And keys are called Prozac 

Or sometimes the usual,

‘It’s just in your mind.’

 

Hearts and Empires is Cynthia Go’s debut poetry collection which I very much enjoyed reading from start to end. It is wonderful and raw. The other pieces that I admired the most in this collection are I Believe There’s An Alternate Reality Where We Both Make It, Tell Me Something I Didn’t Know, Too Late, Constellation of Her Bones, Maybe It’s Okay and The Love Letters To The Dead.

This book tackles on subjects about love, loss, heartbreak, trauma, depression, and healing. Some of the pieces may be triggering because it has dark themes but overall Cynthia Go shines light on the topic of hope in the end. 

Her writing style is very simple, raw and magical. I just love this book, and I am looking forward to her next collection. It truly is a unique piece of literature.

Let me be the first to say that this book is a success.