Choices

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Where do our decisions come from? They’re like a random sprinkle of rain on a hot summer day. How do we know if we’ve had collected the right data to act on a certain decision when in fact everything is infinite in our imaginations?

 

I find myself playing all the variables in my mind every time I make the simplest decision. I’m an extreme worrier. I do feel like I’m losing my mind sometimes. Even just typing these words right now are decisions and it bewilders me how naturally they just go through the pages.

 

So what is choice?  

 

 

In my own definition, choice is the basic proof that we have free will and with free will came chaos. Chaos because choice for me is the anxiety that comes before we act on a certain decision.

 

The anxiety of “what if”

 

What if we’re not wearing the right clothes?

What if we’re not acting the right way in front of people?

What if we’re not doing the best that we can to be the person that we want to be?

 

And it’s scary. To ruminate over the same things over and over again just because everything we do is forever done.

 

I should just be like a bird and just fly and fly and fly and be free on a hot, rainy summer day.

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“Every path is the right path. Everything could have been everything else, and it will have just as much meaning.”

—Mr. Nobody

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Intrusive Thoughts

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The butterfly effect… alternate realities… choices… do I have free will?… time… all sensation is memory… death… reincarnation… other worlds… kill myself… I hate being twenty… the butterfly effect… alternate realities… something feels wrong with my social media accounts… do I even exist?… death… reincarnation… words… words feeling unreal… something’s wrong with my debut poetry collection… numbers… the number eight… thoughts… thoughts create reality… failing… losing… OCD… bipolar… kill myself… life is a dream… am I only my mind?… the illusion of reality… what if I’m crazy?… the butterfly effect… alternate realities… choices… kill myself… kill myself… kill myself.