I am a strong believer that fate exists. That everything happens for a reason. That the people we have in our lives are in our lives without accident. There is always meaning. Explainable or unexplainable. There is no such thing as luck. We are all here for a purpose. All we have to do is believe.
—Confessions of a Wallflower, page 257
Just a word of advice on days you get depressed: Be gentle with yourself. Read your favorite novel or watch your favorite movie. Plan a trip to the beach. Call a friend and be vulnerable and set up a meet. Listen to your favorite song and maybe cry for a bit. Write all of your depressive feelings on a journal or a piece of paper. Someday you’ll look back at all of this and feel victorious that you kept yourself going. That you kept yourself occupied with things while not abstaining from your true feelings. That you kept believing that things will get better and they did.
It takes time to work on not being alone. You have to call a friend. You have to take a shower and eat breakfast with your mom. You have to put in the effort to feel loved and be loved by the people around you. Passiveness leads to loneliness. Be active and spread your sadness to the people you trust your feelings with. Be understood. And be okay.
Solitude isn’t always pretty.
Sometimes it’s just lying in bed and staring at the ceiling listening to the same song over and over again as it slowly loses its meaning. Sometimes it’s how people go mad because they couldn’t tame the darkness that was growing within them over time. Some days it’s a girl waking up without her soul. Some nights it’s a boy falling asleep with his spirit crushed. Sometimes it’s someone wanting to lose themselves to a person, but instead, they push that person away.
Solitude only becomes a prison when you do not love yourself. And even if you do love yourself it’s still a very dangerous thing, and the very benefits of it are the stars shining in its purest darkness.
Solitude isn’t always pretty but also are the truths that we find within ourselves when we learn to find solace in it.
She began to ask every woman she knew: how does one move on?
The first was her best friend.
“How does one move on?” she asked.
What you need to ask yourself is what your motives are in chronically dwelling on this person? Find the specific details on why you loved this person, and it’s okay to find yourself still loving this person, but you have to see that these qualities do exist with a person who’s waiting for you, who’s even willing to give you more.
The second was her older sister.
“How does one move on?” she asked.
Let go of the fantasy. Loss is a good place to love yourself more and work on forgiving yourself more. Nothing is permanent in this universe we live in. Some things change. Sometimes even the people we thought loved us deeply.
The third and last one was her mother.
“How does one move on?” she asked.
It’s been a year, baby. Losing someone is like having your coffee black and realizing from the first sip that it’s not for you. Baby, he’s not the one for you. You need a man who carries water in his eyes. You need a man whose soft, a man who’ll write poetry on the scars of your wrist. Baby, don’t think that the time you spent with that person was lost for it has prepared you for this very moment, our conversation here. It has prepared you for the strong woman you’re becoming. It doesn’t really matter the way you lose the person. Whether he moved to another country. Whether he passed away. Whether he’s now married to someone else. What really matters is that you let yourself feel and release all your regrets out to the universe to open up new possibilities when you finally, finally move on.
On that night before she went to sleep she wrote one line in her journal:
“Heartache may lead to the suicide of the mind but never of the soul.”
If you’re going to love yourself, never give up, and this means accepting your suffering as a part of your becoming. This may lead to hitting rock bottom before finding who you really are as a human being that needs a purpose. This may lead to loneliness due to a lack of conformity as you grow a sense of individuality. This may lead to ridicule from the people who don’t understand your vision, your goals. Sometimes these are the people you love, and this may lead to burning bridges and cutting relationships that are toxic and hindering your growth.
If you’re going to love yourself, never give up, and this means not settling for less and becoming the architect of your life. This may lead to overthinking and feeling too much. This may lead to the realization of your past mistakes. This may lead to living with regrets and choosing some self-destructive habits just to keep going. This may lead to suicidal thinking and still choose to live. The cure for suicide is choosing one more day and always one more day.
If you’re going to love yourself, never give up, and this means creating yourself in your pursuit of excellence. This may lead to losing your belief in god as you create your own values, as you carve your own path. This may lead to designing your own character as if you were writing a poem, painting or playing a musical instrument. You are a genius and deep inside you know that there is greatness in you and it scares, and it’s okay. The fear of greatness is the greatest feeling there is because that’s where it all starts. Your inner journey to becoming who you are.
If you’re going to love yourself, never give up, and this means taking care of yourself through believing in yourself and loving your wounds into flowers. There’s beauty in your failures. It means you tried. It means you’ll eventually succeed as long as you remember to always breathe.
If you’re going to love yourself, never give up. That’s the only way to freedom.
I believe that perhaps true self-love comes from letting go a part of yourself that you really loved but is no longer making you grow. It may be something self-destructive. It may be a habit that you thought was keeping you safe but really was keeping you away from your true long-term goals. It may be someone who you shared love with for so long but isn’t really the right person for you, and it’s painful, but you have to let go because that person’s part in you is no longer making you grow. You can’t compromise your own growth for someone else’s. You can’t compromise your own happiness just because someone sees theirs in yours. You have to go somewhere else when the environment that you’re in isn’t beneficial for your well-being and development. You have to replant yourself in a garden that’s best suited for your soul. You have to go all the way when it comes to taking care of yourself especially when it comes to protecting your own space and energy. You have to go all the way when it comes to loving yourself, and that means self-sacrifice and doing the best that you can to become who you always wanted to be.