And maybe in forty-something years, we’ll be living in a house across the sea.
You’ll be 62, and I’ll be 63.
I’ll be the one painting your fingernails because by then you’ll be having arthritis in your hands even if I’ll be having arthritis in my hands too.
We’ll be sitting in front of the ocean for a little while when all we can do is hold hands and how holding hands can still count as making love.
We’ll be holding hands whenever one of us remembers our sad youth. We’ll be holding hands whenever one of us remembers a regret, a mistake and none of it will really matter because by then we’d still have each other. We’ll be holding hands until the end of our golden days as we love each other so gently to teach our grandchildren how love is a kind of soft chaos that dances for all eternity.
We’ll be holding hands while soft dancing our way towards nothingness until it’s finally time for one of us to let go knowing how love was always meant to be.
But when you’re going through depression, you’ll think it will always be like this. You’ll think it will always be painful. You’ll think it will always be exhausting. You’ll think it will always be lifeless, restless, numbing and soul-crushing. You’ll think that the darkness will always be there until the sun rises in your life again and convinces you that nothing in this life is permanent including your sickness. Time heals all wounds even the invisible ones that feel like madness.
I know that a forest is made up of individual trees, but when I look at a forest, all I see is a forest. And that’s pretty much the same when it comes to my outlook in life. I just look at the bigger picture and summarize everything I see with pure feeling and intuition. Because I learned that when I try to make sense with tiny details of information—it kills me. And it’s really a challenge for me to live in a world filled with so much logic and explanation that it kills my own morals and perspectives in life—which gives life for me less meaning and beauty whenever I am faced with its harsh realities. Because sometimes I forget that bad things happen in this world whenever I think of it as a place filled with love and beauty.
Tiredness happens when what you love, what you prioritize and what you believe in are in total chaos with each other. To restore your energy is to wander back into your inner world for a day, a week or a month in order for you to attain some balance, mental clarity, and gentle strength to efficiently function as a calm, positive and creative human being once again.
To bloom is not to surpass other people or gain all their praises, admiration and love. To bloom is to be free of all comparison, envy, and hate and see life with eyes that perceive that everyone has their own uniqueness, temperaments, and fate. This wisdom is perhaps what the world needs more to educate into the minds of young people before it’s too late.
Before you sleep tonight, be grateful for something. Be grateful for the way the sun shined from your bedroom window as you woke up this morning. Be grateful for the bacon, coffee, and eggs you had at breakfast and the sufficient energy they gave you to keep you strong for the challenges that came your way. Be grateful for your friends, co-workers or classmates that helped you learn new things and made you appreciate the warmth that comes from the feeling of working as a team. Be grateful for your mental health just as much as you are grateful for your physical health for both of them are essentially connected. Be grateful for your room, your bed and your family for there’s no other place like home. Be grateful for the love you know you deserve for that gives you enough reason, meaning, and purpose to be alive. Be grateful for everything that keeps you here.
I hope she’ll be forgiving not because I want to hurt her. I’d never hurt the person I love intentionally, ever. I’m a good guy who buys chocolates and flowers and wants to take her to the movies, be in a cooking class together and watch the sunset until the day is over. I’m not the life of the party, and I’m pretty much a beta male. I hope she forgives me in times when I’m dull because I really don’t have a life besides writing greeting card poetry, binge-watching all of my favorite TV shows and meeting my shrink once or twice or thrice a week depending on how much crazy I’m feeling. All I can promise is that I’ll let her eat the last piece of pizza and cherish her so much on nights when she’s feeling extra tired and empty. I’ll try to make her smile or giggle even just for a little bit as I do the sexy evening kitchen dance while an Ed Sheeran song is playing on the radio. I hope she forgives me when I someday tell her “I love you” and what I really mean by that is “I’m broken, and I’m very much clueless when it comes to love but here’s my heart and I promise you that it will beat for you till’ the last of my tomorrows and hopefully you can do the same for me.”