Perhaps it is more important to forgive ourselves first for everything we weren’t yet ready to become before we can grow from our emptiness—till’ we reach the sunflower tainted skies and become everything we wanted ourselves to be in order to be deeply loved by the universe—and finally when the time comes—be deeply loved by ourselves.
don’t work yourself to the point of a mental breakdown. give priority to your mental health. you are only a few steps away from completely losing your balance and breaking your mind. take one step back every time you take two steps forward. breathe. be mindful. see through life as it transpires moment by moment. learn when to rest. sleep is important. eating healthily is important. everything you do for the sake of your sanity is important. being kind to your mind is the best self-care there is. if there’s anything that’s lovely about you, it is your mind.
If you love someone and they also love you back, then you must be very real with them. Be honest. Be authentic with what you really would like the relationship to be. There’s no reason to put on some masks for they already love you for who you are. So what is it that you want? Is it affection? Is it deep discussions? Is it showing interest in intellectual pursuits? Is it space and alone time? Adventure? Acknowledgment and appreciation for the kind things that you do? Think about it. Think about it and breathe and then decide. And then go get the love that you truly, truly deserve.
You’re not an awful person for creating a space from the ones you love. You’re a darling for protecting your energy when you’ve reached a certain limit of absorbing everything that they want you to understand. You’re like an emotional sponge—a natural counselor, and sometimes you just need a place of your own to rest, recharge and release every single feeling that you’re very tired of carrying.
You are simply you. You are the soul that observes what both your brain and your mind is doing at the present moment. You are the soul that goes by with your name. The feelings that you are feeling right now are not you. Just like the thoughts you are having—they’re inherently empty for they are not you and they’re not happening to you. They’re just simply happening like how a wave is dancing with the whole ocean itself.
Here’s the truth: Having this sickness in your brain was never your choice to begin with. It was never your fault. It’s just a part of you. And it does hurt on a daily basis. And you’re a marvelous badass for fighting it even if it terrifies you.
Remembering that you are not your mental illness is part of the daily battle. Remembering that you are enough is your ultimate weapon. Remembering that you are simply you—your soul is the inevitable victory. As mental illness is similar to having a scar and you don’t say that I am that scar, you say that I am going to live with that scar.
Don’t let your mental illness convince you that it’s not going to get better. Don’t let your mental illness convince you that you’re never going to be functional like before and that life is hopeless. You are loved. You are wanted. And you are beautiful beyond words can ever explain. Don’t let your brain persuade you into thinking that you aren’t.
You are so much more than what’s going on in your head. You have genius in your soul. Talents beyond talents. Gifts beyond gifts. You are capable of doing amazingly extraordinary things with your amazingly extraordinary soul. Your life is not a diagnosis. Your life is living despite symptoms.
You are going to have glorious days when you’re really happy to the point where anything feels possible. Like your mental illness is non-existent and you feel extremely alive like you belong in this planet. And all you do with your positive energy is to pour it into your soul and make something long-lasting like creating a poem, a song or a painting of the sun and the birds that will give you hope on days when you’ll feel sad. Days when you’ll feel like nothing you do feels right and everything you do drowns you. And those days will be hell but just like Winston Churchill said: If you’re going through hell, keep going.
You are not your mental illness. You are your soul, and your soul is a fighter, an artist, a friend, a brother or a sister and a child of both love and light.
Mental illness is not a choice but always remember that recovery is a choice. So stay alive and know that you have a purpose. As long as you’re alive, you have a purpose.
Be alive. Be yourself. Shine the brightest stars inside you. Be unapologetically you.
There are feelings inside her that don’t exist in me. She’s a very logical person, and I’m a very playful person. At first, I felt like we were alike but turns out we’re complete opposites—she thinks through things while I feel through things.
She says that I’m too young and idealistic to love her and perhaps that’s true. I am a child when it comes to love. I feel things like we’re soul mates or we both like watching the stars together and fuck that explains a lot why we’re so drawn to each other because of destiny and all that stuff.
She once asked me what love meant to me, and I said that love is the only thing that makes life less meaningless. And I held her hand and kissed it and then looked at her in the eye. “This is love,” I said quietly. And I held her face and kissed her on the forehead and then looked at her in the eye once more. “This is love,” I said again quietly.
“Love is just an illusion,” she whispered in my ear, and we made love just with our lips, and it felt like a dream for the first time that we were together. It all felt like a dream to me, but I knew that she was the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I just can’t explain why I had to let her go when she was the only girl who made me feel something so absolute.
“Love is just an illusion,” the very last words that she said to me when I walked out of her not so fucked up life. The very last words that brought me to an understanding that maybe love is nothing more than chemicals released in the brain that never does last forever like any kind of drug. But the thing about love is that it fucks you up eventually, and you want more of it. In good morning texts, during penetration, flowers and wandering the world together and forever.
Love is just an illusion, but it does last if you really do believe in it.
One day nothing will make sense, and you will be okay.
There will be art that you haven’t expressed to the world. And there will be someone that you loved who’s now living their happily ever after with someone else because somewhere down the line you disappointed that person and all you could do now is to hope that they’re happy and that they find everything that they’re looking for.
There will be loneliness in your heart and some madness in your mind. And there will be places you wish you’ve been to when you still had your youth, but you were so busy saving up for some stuff that you thought would fill your void. And all you’re left now are some things that don’t carry memories—only sorrow for caring too much about what other people thought of you back then.
There will be a lot of things you’ve started but never dared to finish for the fear of failure and you’ll be shaking your head on why you had to worry so much like you had something to lose. And there will be lots of too late wishes like you could’ve been happier if you took more risks, if you were just more grateful with what you had back then, if you were just more playful with your gifts—you could’ve been living your dream instead of supporting someone else’s dream.
If you’re reading this and you’re still young, you’ve got to fight for your existence. There will come a time when your life will flashback right before your very eyes. And I hope that you make good and meaningful decisions because at the end of the day it all boils down to your decisions for they are the little things that make you who you are and you are beautiful. Don’t let the concept of forever and having just one more chance stop you from becoming the person you want to be. Because there’s no forever and you only have one chance to play it all out until it becomes memory.