Warriors

tumblr_p47lflFQwS1x65palo1_1280

The strongest ones are the ones who have every reason to die but still live.

β€”I Am The Architect of My Own Destruction, page 143

Advertisements

My Experience In A Mental Health Facility

61d04a758e51ef5efaee2508b807bff8

June 25, 2017, I was admitted to The One Algon Place because I tried to kill myself. I just couldn’t handle the anxiety that I was experiencing on a daily basis.Β 

During my stay at Algon, I learned, rediscovered and experienced a lot of things. First, I learned how to wash my clothes in my first week. I learned how to interact better with people even though I’m a very introverted person. I also learned how to control my obsessions better by trying to be okay with uncertaintyΒ and letting go of the thoughts that I think aren’t healthy for me and as well as focusing myself on the present.

Second, I rediscovered my passion for singing. And people really did tell me that I have a nice voice when we had our music therapy session during my second week of stay there. I’m thinking that I should enhance it more by having voice lessons in the future as it will also serve as a form of therapy to me.

Third, I experienced the wonderful community that helped me put my brain back into its right spot. I made so many friends who are also struggling with all sorts of mental illnesses, and that made me feel less alone with the challenges that I face every single moment of every day.

So to all of my fellow students/patients at Algon, I wish you all the love, hope and healing in the world.Β 

I am now and always forever changed.

Calculations (A Short Story)

Calculations

A Short Story About OCD

7 Am Obessive Compuslive Disorder

I always wake up at 7:00 am

But I make it a point that I get out of bed at 7:00:59 am

A second before the time reaches 7:01:00 am

This means the universe won’t punish me for being the lazy person that I am

 

So I go downstairs for breakfast

Skipping 2 stair steps at a time

This saves me 15 seconds of my existence

This means the universe would reward me for being a good steward of my time

 

So, as usual, I pour cereals at the blue bowl I use every Friday

I usually pour cereals for 3 seconds

But I’m in a good mood today, so I pour cereals for 4 more seconds, more good luck for me

I can use the extra 15 seconds I saved awhile ago to eat the extra 1 second of poured cereal

 

I shovel through my cereal like there’s no tomorrow

Munching on it three times before I swallow

3 seconds of poured cereal takes me 8 spoons to finish

4 seconds of poured cereal might take me 11 spoons to finish, and I was right like always

 

After breakfast, I wash the dishes for less than 30 seconds

I go and head upstairs to the bathroom, skipping 3 stair steps at a time

This saves me 20 seconds of my existence

This means the universe would reward me for being a good steward of my time

 

So, as usual, I head to the shower and choose the hot temperature like I always do

But I’m in a good mood today, so I choose the extra hot temperature like I rarely do

Little did I know it would hurt me and I feel the boiling water roasting through my flesh

But I wanted this since I’m in a good mood today but it hurts so bad, and I count to ten

 

1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… 7… 8… 9… 10…

GAAAAAH!

 

I twinge and quickly turn the temperature to cold like I never do

And this doesn’t feel right, it breaks my rule, it’s a sin, maybe it’s fun to sin once in awhile

The cold water did feel good after the sacrifice I’ve made since I’m in a good mood today

This could mean the universe would reward me for being such a persevering person

 

Time for my shower routine.

 

Hair: Wash. Wash. Wash.

Body: Scrub. Scrub. Scrub.

Face: Splash. Splash. Splash.

Teeth: Brush. Brush. Brush.

 

I like doing things three times, I strive for perfection.

 

I quickly get out of the bathroom like I always do

And it does feel right, it follows my rule, I’m forgiven of the sin I committed awhile ago

I use the blue towel I use every Friday

And I get ready for jogging

 

To Be Continued.

Obsessive Compulsive Writers: How Do You Cope Up?

My Life as a Writer with OCDΒ 

I’m tired.

I haven’t been to therapy yet, but I can’t live like this.

I’ve been trying to stop the habitual rituals that are nonsensical.

To be honest, I have this urge to delete this blog and start over again.

But that would only worsen my OCD, and I might regret that action later.

But I really would love to start over.

 

I count numbers when I do things, and it’s weird.

Like I have to do everything 3 times.

And it’s driving me crazy.

 

I reread sentences in books 3 times.

I proofread my blog posts 3 times.

And I even have this urge to proofread my old blog posts.

I sometimes edit those old blog posts because of an awkward sentence.

Or a misspelled word, a wrong punctuation, or simply a bad choice of words.

And nothing can annoy me better than tags and categories.

 

OCD has affected my main project which is a romance novel.

When it’s not working out, I feel like I should start over again.

And I just delete my work and start over again.

 

I’m tired.

And I only have one question for the OCD writers out there.

How do you cope up?