This is dedicated entirely to me:
Hey, you. I am proud of you. You’ve made it to one of the most craziest years of your life. You dropped out of college because of depression and anxiety. But without that, you wouldn’t have discovered your passion and love for writing. But you know what I’m most proud of? That every time you felt suicidal you chose to live.
What I love about you is that despite your sad mindset you really do believe in yourself. You’re not the old perfectionist you anymore. You’re beginning to trust the process more. You’re evolving every day whether you know that or not. I can feel it.
And I know it sounds gay, but I love you, man. I really do love you even though sometimes I hate you for doing things that destroy yourself. Do whatever the heck you want with your life. Live without regrets. Eat. Drink. Write. Dance. Sing. Do whatever the heck you want with your life. But always remember to have faith, love, and hope in your heart. But most of all always have the courage to live because you have to.
If there’s anything I’ve learned this year, it would be that life isn’t always what I wish it would be. That dreams can die in just one blink of the eye. It’s only up to me to take a stand every time I fall or just stumble and hope that it’d lead me to somewhere I want to be. That my hope lies in accepting my life as it now lies before me, forever changed.
I think it’s better to be underestimated than to be overestimated. When I’m a screw-up—people don’t expect me to keep it up and that’s when I learn from my mistakes. But when people compliment me at my work—they expect me to keep it up. And sometimes I just can’t keep it up because of all the expectations that drives me to transform into a perfectionist. And I don’t want that. I want to strive for excellence rather than perfection because there’s no such thing as perfection. I want people to think that I can’t succeed so that I can.
Hello, followers. I don’t really know what to say. Today is a very special day for me because in exactly seven months ago I started a blog on WordPress because I felt very hopeless in life. And in exactly seven months ago I dropped out of college. And in exactly seven months ago I started to write whatever I felt. I just considered writing to make me feel more self-aware of what I want in life and probably have a sense of organization and order in life.
But that changed slowly and slowly as I began to read books. Then I wrote more poetry. Then I wrote some short stories. I tried to write a novel. I failed to finish it halfway. I almost deleted this blog in the process of failing to complete the novel I was writing because the plot was very weak. Then I just wrote more poetry. And more poetry. And more poetry. Then I decided to advance my poetry writings into Tumblr. And then I created an Instagram. And then a Twitter account. And then a Facebook account which garnered me much publicity as a writer than I could ever imagine.
And today I am proud to say that I feel some sense of self-actualization that I am doing something that means very much to me. That helps me grow as a person and as a human being. And I know that I’m clinically depressed and socially anxious, but the weight of all that is crushed by my passion for becoming a successful author in the future.
I really have improved. The sadness is still there often, but I don’t have suicidal thoughts anymore. Life has meaning. Life has purpose. And I feel so lucky that I’ve found love in literature. And I am so happy to be in the process of improving my craft every day as a creative writer.
So to all of you who support my writings. The quotes and the proses and the verses that I post here. I want to say thank you! Because your likes and feedbacks mean so much to me. It’s something that fuels me to keep moving and learning and writing.
And I hope that when I self-publish my poetry collection early next year most of the people here who regularly or occasionally support me will purchase my book and rate it and review it on Amazon and Goodreads. I’m really confident about the pieces that I have in my book right now. They’re over 100 never before seen pieces in my book now. I am excited to self-publish it to the world early next year.
So again to all of you who supports my writings. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! It really means so much to me. And I am happy to play with your emotions like a piano with both white keys and black keys. Because both keys matter. Happiness and sadness are equally important that’s all I have to say.
I’m now rambling, so I should probably stop right here. Haha. I wish you wellness in your life dear reader. Thank you for reading my literature.