I came out of the house today, and it wasn’t as terrifying as I thought it would be. And I think I should get out more to feel less sad.
This is dedicated entirely to me:
Hey, you. I am proud of you. You’ve made it to one of the most craziest years of your life. You dropped out of college because of depression and anxiety. But without that, you wouldn’t have discovered your passion and love for writing. But you know what I’m most proud of? That every time you felt suicidal you chose to live.
What I love about you is that despite your sad mindset you really do believe in yourself. You’re not the old perfectionist you anymore. You’re beginning to trust the process more. You’re evolving every day whether you know that or not. I can feel it.
And I know it sounds gay, but I love you, man. I really do love you even though sometimes I hate you for doing things that destroy yourself. Do whatever the heck you want with your life. Live without regrets. Eat. Drink. Write. Dance. Sing. Do whatever the heck you want with your life. But always remember to have faith, love, and hope in your heart. But most of all always have the courage to live because you have to.
If there’s anything I’ve learned this year, it would be that life isn’t always what I wish it would be. That dreams can die in just one blink of the eye. It’s only up to me to take a stand every time I fall or just stumble and hope that it’d lead me to somewhere I want to be. That my hope lies in accepting my life as it now lies before me, forever changed.
I think it’s better to be underestimated than to be overestimated. When I’m a screw-up—people don’t expect me to keep it up and that’s when I learn from my mistakes. But when people compliment me at my work—they expect me to keep it up. And sometimes I just can’t keep it up because of all the expectations that drives me to transform into a perfectionist. And I don’t want that. I want to strive for excellence rather than perfection because there’s no such thing as perfection. I want people to think that I can’t succeed so that I can.