My Experience In A Mental Health Facility

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June 25, 2017, I was admitted to The One Algon Place because I tried to kill myself. I just couldn’t handle the anxiety that I was experiencing on a daily basis. 

During my stay at Algon, I learned, rediscovered and experienced a lot of things. First, I learned how to wash my clothes in my first week. I learned how to interact better with people even though I’m a very introverted person. I also learned how to control my obsessions better by trying to be okay with uncertainty and letting go of the thoughts that I think aren’t healthy for me and as well as focusing myself on the present.

Second, I rediscovered my passion for singing. And people really did tell me that I have a nice voice when we had our music therapy session during my second week of stay there. I’m thinking that I should enhance it more by having voice lessons in the future as it will also serve as a form of therapy to me.

Third, I experienced the wonderful community that helped me put my brain back into its right spot. I made so many friends who are also struggling with all sorts of mental illnesses, and that made me feel less alone with the challenges that I face every single moment of every day.

So to all of my fellow students/patients at Algon, I wish you all the love, hope and healing in the world. 

I am now and always forever changed.

June 19, 2017

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How can I fix my mind if my mind is where the problem is in the first place? It’s getting hard to live day by day when all I could think of is my death. Along with a negative stream of irrational thoughts that haunts me minute after minute after minute.

Do I have free will? Does the butterfly effect cause alternate realities to exist where I could’ve been perfect? Is choosing death the ultimate real choice to freedom?

I’ve been walking around my room back and forth back and forth several times a day feeling very restless and angry. Contemplating about my death. Smashing ice cubes and hangers on to the wall. Arranging and rearranging things. Shouting occasionally.

It isn’t enough that I am understood by the people who love me. I am suffering and there’s no cure to my thought process. Some days I don’t even feel like anything exists. Some days I don’t even feel like I’m the real me.

I am powerless. I am flight. I am panic. I am anxiety. I am a soul that would eventually be set free from this world.