Philophobia

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Nobody ever says that, that those who fear falling in love have this tendency to be more affectionate and nurturing and gentle lovers. It’s not the fear of “falling in love” that they’re actually afraid of but the fear of “being in love.” The fear of being somewhere they’ve always wanted and the fear of not being worthy enough of it.

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it’s going to be okay

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and no matter
how much
you miss a toxic
person

for fuck sake
please

don’t call
don’t write letters
don’t buy flowers
don’t stop the wedding
don’t get into a relationship.

allow yourself to heal.

travel.
find yourself.
consider counseling.

true love will find you someday.

Every Woman

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She began to ask every woman she knew: how does one move on?

 

The first was her best friend.

“How does one move on?” she asked.

What you need to ask yourself is what your motives are in chronically dwelling on this person? Find the specific details on why you loved this person, and it’s okay to find yourself still loving this person, but you have to see that these qualities do exist with a person who’s waiting for you, who’s even willing to give you more.

 

The second was her older sister.

“How does one move on?” she asked.

Let go of the fantasy. Loss is a good place to love yourself more and work on forgiving yourself more. Nothing is permanent in this universe we live in. Some things change. Sometimes even the people we thought loved us deeply.

 

The third and last one was her mother.

“How does one move on?” she asked.

It’s been a year, baby. Losing someone is like having your coffee black and realizing from the first sip that it’s not for you. Baby, he’s not the one for you. You need a man who carries water in his eyes. You need a man whose soft, a man who’ll write poetry on the scars of your wrist. Baby, don’t think that the time you spent with that person was lost for it has prepared you for this very moment, our conversation here. It has prepared you for the strong woman you’re becoming. It doesn’t really matter the way you lose the person. Whether he moved to another country. Whether he passed away. Whether he’s now married to someone else. What really matters is that you let yourself feel and release all your regrets out to the universe to open up new possibilities when you finally, finally move on.

 

On that night before she went to sleep she wrote one line in her journal:

“Heartache may lead to the suicide of the mind but never of the soul.”