Everything

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I love her sadness, her passion, her chaos, her magic, her wildness, her laughter, her brilliance. Everything. Everything she is.

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Relax

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I hope you don’t have to struggle too much. I hope you trust that everything that’s happening in your life is unfolding for a reason. I hope you look at everything and say: ‘it’s all going to be okay.’

In memory of my beloved Game of Thrones Character, Petyr Baelish

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I loved him. I cried when they executed him. Such poor, poor writing. He could’ve demanded a trial by combat since he’s a lord and all, but he didn’t.

I love Littlefinger because I relate to some parts of him that just loved one girl his entire life that he couldn’t have. And that fuelled his ambition to acquire everything. And I’m also a person who wants everything because I couldn’t have this one girl that I deeply loved in the past.

I love Littlefinger because he’s neither evil or good. He’s just a neutral underdog who could’ve one day sit on the Iron Throne. I just can’t believe that he’s dead now.

I love Littlefinger because he’s the most poetic character in the show and here are some of my favorite quotes from him:

 

  1. A lot can happen between now and never.
  2. If you want to build a better home, first you must demolish the old one.
  3. Given the opportunity, what do we do to those who’ve hurt the ones we love?
  4. It doesn’t matter what we want. Once we get it, we want something else.
  5. Only by admitting what we are can we get what we want.
  6. Life is not a song, sweetling. You may learn that one day to your sorrow.
  7. The past is the past, the future is all that is worth discussing.
  8. The past is gone for good. You can sit here mourning its departure, or prepare for the future.
  9. Fight every battle, everywhere, always, in your mind.
  10. Every possible series of events is happening all at once.

 

I think I’m sure that I won’t watch the last season of Game of Thrones. In fact, I stopped watching after the scene Littlefinger died. His death and his memory will always be in my heart. For Littlefinger I will stay ambitious like him in my life. He is the one true ruler of the Seven Kingdoms. The mockingbird that will always live on in my life.

 

Hopefully, the incoming book is better than the show.

When I Turned 20, That’s When My Anxiety Worsened

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I’m twenty now.

I should have figured out my life by now.

 

I should be at college finishing my majors, but I just feel like I can’t because of the constant anxiety that I am feeling. I should be enjoying my life, but here I am carrying so many regrets.

 

I should’ve created more art during my teenage years. I should’ve played less computer games. I should’ve tried to learn the guitar because I always wanted to play the guitar, but I didn’t persevere enough during childhood. I could’ve been the writer who plays the guitar.

 

How can one cope up with the loss of opportunities? And also the loss of time?

 

Maybe that’s why I am so anxious about the concept of choosing. And time running out like there’s none of it left to be who I want to be. And I am still not yet the person whom I want to be. My mind is a mess, and therefore my life is a mess.

 

I don’t believe that I deserve to suffer but ninety percent of my days I do and that is why I feel like killing myself. I feel like suicide is my ultimate real choice that will end this dark stream of thoughts that releases a burning sensation all throughout my body.

 

The only thing I believe in is the moments when I feel like I am getting better no matter how deceptive and untrue they may sometimes be. Because when it gets better, it gets worse again and it’s an annoying thing honestly. To feel hopeful only to feel hopeless again. But I guess that doesn’t mean that I should stop keeping at it.

 

I guess that I should just use everything that I have now to obtain everything that is meant to be mine. Because I still believe in fate. I still believe in destiny. And it is my dream to recover and be the best writer, the best son and the best human being that I can be.