Not every heart has a story to tell. Be kind to some people’s silence.
I’ve hated my father since I was 14 years old for all the abuse he put me through for so many years. Since I was 14 years old I told my mother on the day he dies I will be truly happy. It’s no surprise that Jansen feels the same way when he goes through his episodes. I was the first one to become mentally ill which was also triggered by him. He choked me. Told me he liked doing it while doing it. He did the same to Jansen when he also became bipolar. And we both agreed at some point that his death will somehow be a relief to the both of us. It’s hard to fake everything with someone who has caused you severe trauma. It’s funny that he’s a Christian. By the way, I’m not a Christian. I gave it a shot until I became a nihilist when I was nineteen. It wasn’t a choice, but sometimes I think that suicidal people turn to nihilism. But that’s another story, and I think this is enough to get out of my chest. Writing is better than breaking things. Writing saved me from breaking things. But that’s also another story.
For those who feel suicidal, alone, destructive, broken, tired, lost, depressed, existential anxiety, pessimistic, detached from reality, sadly in love and the meaninglessness of human existence. This book is for you and me and for everyone who’s searching for survival, healing, recovery, and understanding.
I hope this poetry collection gives you the hope that you deserve. I hope this poetry collection brings out the dreamer that’s within your tender soul. I hope this poetry collection touches your heart in some way and encourage you to live your life despite the suffering because suicide is not a choice and there’s nothing selfish about wanting to end everything and all I’m simply saying is that you deserve to be okay and sometimes that’s better than happiness.
Truthfully, I myself am not yet completely recovered, and I still feel suicidal sometimes, and it’s a very dark place to be in and I want you to know that I created this collection inside that very dark place and I still want to live because I choose to believe that I am loved even if I don’t matter much at all as a person. I choose to believe that I am loved and that matters. 🙂
I Am The Architect of My Own Destruction is available on Amazon. For every review, I promise to dedicate a piece of writing to you. 🙂
You can purchase the book here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1721578641 ❤
For Goodreads users, you can leave a rating/review here: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/40603073-i-am-the-architect-of-my-own-destruction ❤
I am deeply grateful for your support in this dark piece of my soul. 🙂
I wish you all hope, love, and healing. ✿
To my brothers and sisters in darkness, I say, “Just one more day. Just one more day. The stars will shine brighter someday.”