Confession of a Wallflower Reviews

David Rollason

Amazon Customer

Confessions of a Wallflower is a poetry collection about depression, self-love, and healing. You can purchase a piece of my soul here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1542396859

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Agoraphobia

Agoraphobia

It has been awhile since I spoke to a friend. I spend most days at home reading books. Just writing all my sorrows away. And it gets dull after awhile. Spending most of my time alone in the dark. Missing the feeling of what it’s like to have a social life.

But the sad thing is—I am anxious with the slightest social interaction because I feel like I’m ugly and awkward and boring. And I use thought as an excuse for me not to participate in life because I am afraid to live.

And the truth is—I want to die. But I am afraid of pain. And I use fear as an excuse to continue my existence because I am also afraid to die.

Confessions of a Wallflower, page 63

Choices

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Where do our decisions come from? They’re like a random sprinkle of rain on a hot summer day. How do we know if we’ve had collected the right data to act on a certain decision when in fact everything is infinite in our imaginations?

 

I find myself playing all the variables in my mind every time I make the simplest decision. I’m an extreme worrier. I do feel like I’m losing my mind sometimes. Even just typing these words right now are decisions and it bewilders me how naturally they just go through the pages.

 

So what is choice?  

 

 

In my own definition, choice is the basic proof that we have free will and with free will came chaos. Chaos because choice for me is the anxiety that comes before we act on a certain decision.

 

The anxiety of “what if”

 

What if we’re not wearing the right clothes?

What if we’re not acting the right way in front of people?

What if we’re not doing the best that we can to be the person that we want to be?

 

And it’s scary. To ruminate over the same things over and over again just because everything we do is forever done.

 

I should just be like a bird and just fly and fly and fly and be free on a hot, rainy summer day.

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“Every path is the right path. Everything could have been everything else, and it will have just as much meaning.”

—Mr. Nobody

A Glitch of My Mind

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God, everything feels so unreal sometimes. I make an effort to walk around my neighborhood sometimes to not lock myself inside the four corners of my room, and I look at a tree and think: is that really a tree? Or am I just imagining that it’s a tree? And it goes on to birds, the sun and the moon and myself. And then I think: do I even exist? Is anything real? Can a force in this universe distract me from this feeling of unreality?

For Me

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Here are the things I want for me.

First, I want to feel okay. I want to wake up every day with a smile on my face. I want to wake up every day filled with hope knowing that everything’s going to be alright.

Second, I want to feel lovely. I want to feel what it’s like to be someone that matters. Someone who counts for something who’ll forever remain a memory.

Third, I want to feel alive. I want to feel the sun’s warmth above my head and grow like a flower that always experiences spring. I want to feel what it’s like to be the best version of me.

And lastly, I want to be in love. I want a love that makes me feel free like a bird flying towards the blue sky. I want a love that comes from me.