Poetry Collection Copy

Book 1

I wrote this collection 2 years ago.

Message me at juansendizon@gmail.com if you want a pdf copy in exchange for an honest Goodreads review. 

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/40603073-i-am-the-architect-of-my-own-destruction 💙

Thank you so much. 💙

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Happy National Poetry Month

Lonely Blue Boy

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Happy National Poetry Month to you all. I’ve been feeling nothing lately like everything I do feels pointless which isn’t doing me any good. I’m currently in the process of creating my next collection which tackles about the loneliness of human existence and self-destruction, suicidal feelings, being in an unhealthy relationship, my mental illness and how I’m recovering through the art of mindfulness and overall it’s about finding hope and growth and stars and flowers and beauty and survival despite the meaningless of life and finding the meaning to my own suffering. 

Confessions of a Wallflower isn’t a book that I’m entirely proud of, and maybe it’s because I write differently now compared to my 19-year-old self, but I’m still happy that I did create this book even if some parts of it makes me cringe at the here and now. I hope you consider purchasing it to support my…

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January 12, 2018

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Dear Diary,

My mother said that I hadn’t been this depressed for a very long time. In fact, I haven’t been myself for a very long time, and it was great while it lasted. I’ve had perfect days after perfect days after perfect days, and it feels like for some reason the sun has left my world.

I haven’t been drinking my medications right. I only take my anti-anxiety pills at night to make me sleep, but I haven’t been taking my anti-depressants. And I have been chainsmoking a lot like crazy. And I need to stop because it’s a downer and I want to live with a healthy body and mind.

So I’m going to shrink for a little while and feed myself with flowers, novels, and poems. I need new perspectives. And I also need to relearn mindfulness and work on my OCD Workbook. I’m having these irrational thoughts again, and I don’t want to go back to the mental health facility.

So I’m going to quit smoking for real this time and just take some time off social media to take good care of my mental health for a little while. I am accepting the fate that there will be some times in my life like this that I have to take a big step back and rebuild myself amongst my ruins.

I am a firm believer in destruction being a form of creation, and this is me creating myself once again by just letting go of things and letting the chips fall where they may. This is me loving myself.