Currently Listening To: Wake Me Up When September Ends by Green Day

Dear Hope,


Why didn’t you tell me that this was coming? Why didn’t you tell me that I was going to kill a huge part of myself? I clung on to you like a baby crying in her mother’s arms. And you dropped me when I became too violent to you. When I became too much of a sadness to you. You’re not as what people think you are. You’re a very dangerous thing. And now I am trying to live without you because all you did was make me mad and exhausted.

And now grief is putting me to sleep. 
Taking the pain away until autumn wakes me up.


Currently Listening To: You’ve Got A Friend In Me (Toy Story Soundtrack)

This is dedicated to my best friend.

Happy birthday, man. Thank you so much for everything. I think without you the world would be a much more horrible place for me to live. Thank you for hanging out with me and bringing me out to the world in times when I am really afraid to get out of the house. Thank you for encouraging me to live that one time when I messaged you on Facebook when I was feeling very suicidal. Sometimes when I lose all hope you’re one of those people I think about. You’re family to me, and I just can’t imagine my life without you in it. Even when the sun dies our friendship will endure when we’re nothing but souls.

Currently Listening To: Little Wonders by Rob Thomas

This is dedicated entirely to me:

Hey, you. I am proud of you. You’ve made it to one of the most craziest years of your life. You dropped out of college because of depression and anxiety. But without that, you wouldn’t have discovered your passion and love for writing. But you know what I’m most proud of? That every time you felt suicidal you chose to live.

What I love about you is that despite your sad mindset you really do believe in yourself. You’re not the old perfectionist you anymore. You’re beginning to trust the process more. You’re evolving every day whether you know that or not. I can feel it.

And I know it sounds gay, but I love you, man. I really do love you even though sometimes I hate you for doing things that destroy yourself. Do whatever the heck you want with your life. Live without regrets. Eat. Drink. Write. Dance. Sing. Do whatever the heck you want with your life. But always remember to have faith, love, and hope in your heart. But most of all always have the courage to live because you have to.