Setbacks

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Always be gentle with your sadness. 🌷🌷🌷

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I Am Just A Dreamer

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I like to close my eyes sometimes and dream of the future.

 

I wake up one day, and I am mentally healthy. That I have won my battle against my mental illness. That things don’t bother me that much anymore. Like the butterfly effect, passing time, the number eight and thinking that I’m make-believe.

 

I wake up one day, and I just do the things that I do. I write the books that I want to write. I post the blog posts that I want to post. I run regularly under the deep blue sky while the sun shines on me like I am a flower that has survived wilting.

 

I wake up one day, and I’m just happy because I am healed, and I am living like it means something. I wake up one day, and I don’t even think about killing myself because life is full of possibilities that don’t scare me because every path in life is the right path. And if alternate realities exist then so what? That won’t stop me from trying to live this prime existence of mine fully.

 

I like to close my eyes sometimes and dream of the future. I like to open them not without a sense melancholy that I will eventually get better.

6 Things I Am Learning On My Way To Recovering From OCD

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  1. I am learning that I can never truly be perfect no matter how hard I try. Instead, I am learning that I can always be growing no matter how hard it is to do so when every single moment of every day is filled with doubts and irrational fears.
  2. I am learning that every negative thought that comes into my head is out of my control. What I do have control at is how I give them meaning.
  3. I am learning that exposing myself to my irrational fears is how I’ll get better.
  4. I am learning that change, no matter how scary it is, for me, is a good thing.
  5. I am learning that letting go of control and letting things be is the best thing that one can do at the end of the day.
  6. I am learning that there will be days when I’ll be stressed and not manage well but as the saying goes, “this too shall pass,” And I’ll just have to keep moving forward.

My Experience In A Mental Health Facility

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June 25, 2017, I was admitted to The One Algon Place because I tried to kill myself. I just couldn’t handle the anxiety that I was experiencing on a daily basis. 

During my stay at Algon, I learned, rediscovered and experienced a lot of things. First, I learned how to wash my clothes in my first week. I learned how to interact better with people even though I’m a very introverted person. I also learned how to control my obsessions better by trying to be okay with uncertainty and letting go of the thoughts that I think aren’t healthy for me and as well as focusing myself on the present.

Second, I rediscovered my passion for singing. And people really did tell me that I have a nice voice when we had our music therapy session during my second week of stay there. I’m thinking that I should enhance it more by having voice lessons in the future as it will also serve as a form of therapy to me.

Third, I experienced the wonderful community that helped me put my brain back into its right spot. I made so many friends who are also struggling with all sorts of mental illnesses, and that made me feel less alone with the challenges that I face every single moment of every day.

So to all of my fellow students/patients at Algon, I wish you all the love, hope and healing in the world. 

I am now and always forever changed.

Rest

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Expect nothing good to happen in your life for a while. This will eventually pass, and you will be you again as you take every painful hour to hurt, to bleed, and to eventually—heal. The only thing you need now more than anything is to rest.