6 Things I Am Learning On My Way To Recovering From OCD

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  1. I am learning that I can never truly be perfect no matter how hard I try. Instead, I am learning that I can always be growing no matter how hard it is to do so when every single moment of every day is filled with doubts and irrational fears.
  2. I am learning that every negative thought that comes into my head is out of my control. What I do have control at is how I give them meaning.
  3. I am learning that exposing myself to my irrational fears is how I’ll get better.
  4. I am learning that change, no matter how scary it is, for me, is a good thing.
  5. I am learning that letting go of control and letting things be is the best thing that one can do at the end of the day.
  6. I am learning that there will be days when I’ll be stressed and not manage well but as the saying goes, “this too shall pass,” And I’ll just have to keep moving forward.

Currently Listening To: Little Wonders by Rob Thomas

This is dedicated entirely to me:

Hey, you. I am proud of you. You’ve made it to one of the most craziest years of your life. You dropped out of college because of depression and anxiety. But without that, you wouldn’t have discovered your passion and love for writing. But you know what I’m most proud of? That every time you felt suicidal you chose to live.

What I love about you is that despite your sad mindset you really do believe in yourself. You’re not the old perfectionist you anymore. You’re beginning to trust the process more. You’re evolving every day whether you know that or not. I can feel it.

And I know it sounds gay, but I love you, man. I really do love you even though sometimes I hate you for doing things that destroy yourself. Do whatever the heck you want with your life. Live without regrets. Eat. Drink. Write. Dance. Sing. Do whatever the heck you want with your life. But always remember to have faith, love, and hope in your heart. But most of all always have the courage to live because you have to.

Dark Horse

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I think it’s better to be underestimated than to be overestimated. When I’m a screw-up—people don’t expect me to keep it up and that’s when I learn from my mistakes. But when people compliment me at my work—they expect me to keep it up. And sometimes I just can’t keep it up because of all the expectations that drives me to transform into a perfectionist. And I don’t want that. I want to strive for excellence rather than perfection because there’s no such thing as perfection. I want people to think that I can’t succeed so that I can.

Patience

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I will wait for you.

Like how Antarctica waits for the awkward penguins to come back after a long period of migration.

I will wait for you.

Like how an astrophysicist waits once in his or her lifetime for Comet Halley’s return every 75 years.

I will wait for you.

Like how a waterfall waits for the same water to fall from it.

I will wait for you.

Like how a dormant volcano erupts out of the blue after a thousand years.

I will wait for you. 

Like how trees are chopped off for paper used for words, a whole forest must be hairless before I finally run out of words.

I will wait for you.

I’m Back

I guess I can’t force my girlfriend to love me because I think I deserve her love. I’m a very loyal boyfriend. And I’m a writer. And I sing for her. And I have a book coming early next year. And I still love her so much. 

I hope she realizes how much I love her. And how she’s the reason why I write. And how I would never look for love in another girl because I want to grow old with her. 

So yeah. I tried to reactivate my wattpad account today, but I can’t enter the right password. It’s a shitty feeling because I only use 2-3 passwords in any login I use on the internet. 

Maybe it’s for the best if I can’t operate on it again because I’ve written a book of poetry for her there. I’m not even sure if she appreciated what I did. Haha. And not a lot of people read my written works there anymore. But we’ll see after a few days if the wattpad support team can reactivate my account. 

On other news, I’ll get my shit together this week by having a haircut, visiting my dermatologist, and finally visit a dentist for my front teeth. And I could buy clothes because that makes me happy. 

And I’ll start creating book reviews for some of the people who asked me to review their book which is mostly poetry. 

I’m starting to feel okay. I realize that there are individuals who like what I write especially on Tumblr. And the weight of their love for my written works is finally crushing my problems and forcing me to get my shit together.

I’ll be posting again in awhile.

And thank you to those who sympathized with my misery over the past two days 🙂

Superheroes

Fly

I love displaying my weaknesses. I want people to know that I am limited. That I am bad at the things some people are good at.

Yet at the same time—I love displaying my strengths. And yes I am proud. Because I want people to know that there is nothing wrong about self-love.

Plus I also want the people to know that they are unlimited in some area in life. That they are good at the things some people can learn at.