My mother said that I hadn’t been this depressed for a very long time. In fact, I haven’t been myself for a very long time, and it was great while it lasted. I’ve had perfect days after perfect days after perfect days, and it feels like for some reason the sun has left my world.
I haven’t been drinking my medications right. I only take my anti-anxiety pills at night to make me sleep, but I haven’t been taking my anti-depressants. And I have been chainsmoking a lot like crazy. And I need to stop because it’s a downer and I want to live with a healthy body and mind.
So I’m going to shrink for a little while and feed myself with flowers, novels, and poems. I need new perspectives. And I also need to relearn mindfulness and work on my OCD Workbook. I’m having these irrational thoughts again, and I don’t want to go back to the mental health facility.
So I’m going to quit smoking for real this time and just take some time off social media to take good care of my mental health for a little while. I am accepting the fate that there will be some times in my life like this that I have to take a big step back and rebuild myself amongst my ruins.
I am a firm believer in destruction being a form of creation, and this is me creating myself once again by just letting go of things and letting the chips fall where they may. This is me loving myself.