Dealing With Derealization


Sometimes the words I type feel unreal. Sometimes I think I’m losing my ability to write. I miss my old writer self when I was brave and playful and confident with my words. I wish I could turn back time and try to take it easy with myself. That the universe didn’t have to make sense to me. That I could’ve taken it one day at a time instead of burning myself out.

Someone once said that when you stretch your intellect beyond a certain point, you will crack up. And I think that’s what happened to me. I became so indulged with the power of creation that came with controlling the way that I think that made my mind crack. It’s now always anxious with or without reason. There isn’t a single day that it doesn’t think about death or the afterlife. It was trying to control the nature of my reality that sent me into a mental health facility.

I became so paranoid about something called “the butterfly effect” and how with every choice we make we create a different reality. With other lives that we’re leading. With other people we’re becoming. And I just want to be the perfect version of myself, but I feel like a failure nowadays. It’s hard to succeed when I’ve already lost my mind. And it’s even hard to live when everything I feel feels unreal.

14 thoughts on “Dealing With Derealization

  1. but you are the perfect version of yourself, each moment, even now. You are a puzzle of reality we all live in. And how do I know that this puzzle is perfect? – Because it exists in the form that exists. Thare’s only your mind which is judging and saying the opposite because it’s full of concepts of how it should be. Never argue with reality.

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  2. Butterfly effect is such a full and complex theory especially if you live your life based around it. We all fear the what ifs of life, but we cant let that control us. We have to make our choices and never think on what if this or that. Just believe that the choice you made was the one you were meant to make for whatever the purpose the universe needs. Ease your mind my friend. We are all here for you. Its hard for a writer to come back to reality at times, but I’ll try to help you the best I know how. Take care.

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  3. No one is perfect. And the definition of success is different for every person. Just be yourself…be calm and in the moment. You will loose yourself if you spend too much time in your mind. Take a look outside, listen to the birds sing. Be in the moment and present. You have survived and therefore you are more a success than many people. 🙂

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  4. The fact you are writing this means you haven’t failed. When reality starts to feel wrong or not real anchor yourself to the most important thing in your life, whether that is a friend, family member or even your writing, grab hold and don’t let go. Alot of folk think that having mental illness makes you weak, but it doesn’t, it makes you stronger everyday you defy it. Stay strong bud! 👍

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