Today Is Sunday

Hello. It’s Sunday today, and I didn’t go to church with my family today because I had a severe panic attack last night. I haven’t eaten since this morning. And I vomited last night’s meal. And I couldn’t stop crying. 

Tumblr hasn’t been working for me all day yesterday and today. I e-mailed them about the problem, but they haven’t responded. Maybe they’re doing something about it. Maybe they’re not. A few people are also experiencing it. 

But I guess if this is the end of my writing career there then I guess I should accept it even though I have 5k followers there. 

I guess the universe pulled the plug for a reason. But I am really devastated right now. I am watching my empire burn. 

And I think right now. All I want is a simple life with my mom and the other people that I consider family. 

And I’ll just help with the family business in any way that I can. I don’t want to be a burden to my mom. She is the only reason that I haven’t killed myself because I know that she loves me. And I really love her as well. 

So yeah. I still have a poetry book to self-publish regardless of everything burning. And I’m dedicating it to my mom. The person who took good care of me. The person who really understands my mental illness. And I don’t really mind if it’s only me who buys my book.

It would be for my own hope to live. 

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24 thoughts on “Today Is Sunday

  1. If not for yourself, Susi safe for your mum, a parent should never have to bury their child. You are right to pull back and concentrate on the small but more important things in life, you, your family and your day to day life. The rest of the world will be waiting for you when you’re stronger, I know I will. Dxx

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  2. I understand you think your mom is the only one who loves you. But there’s someone who loves you more than mom and us willing and ready to heal and help you with all you face.
    “Oh what peace we often forfeit, oh what needless pain we bear, all because we don’t carry everything to God in prayer”
    Just allow Christ into your heart and let him heal you and be a friend and father to you.
    I wish you the very best and hope all works out well.

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  3. Please don’t let the depression get u down. Listen to your fave song if u can. And surround yourself with people who love u. And keep on writing. I was where u are last week. I love you working and make sure I look at your post often. Take Care Hang in there. Don’t fall into the pit- Rhasha

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  4. Mental illness is mean. I’m sorry you’re not feeling good at the moment.I just wanted to say that I love reading your writing, and it really helps me when you write what’s basically inside my head. It makes me feel better to know that it’s not just me. Sending lots of love.

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