Where Is My Mind?
A Search For My Sanity
It’s hard to think straight when I know I hate myself.
It’s hard to think straight when I know I want to kill myself.
It’s also hard to think straight when I know I have these sad thoughts.
- I space out too much
- I can’t sleep well without sleeping pills
- I don’t play video games anymore which means less pleasure in my life
- My social life lives and dies with my best friend
- Feeling Ugly in general
- Feeling I’m not good enough as a writer
- Feeling there’s nothing to wear so I always end up staying at home most of the time
- Thinking how my psychiatrist might be greedy for giving me weak medications just to come back to her again and again for more consultation fees which is very judgemental of me since psychiatrists are there to help
- Thinking about my ex-girlfriend and how I’ve clearly been the wrong guy for her to be with
- Wanting to learn how to play the guitar or the piano but can’t get myself to do it
- Wanting to become good at singing again
- Wanting to become a muscular guy but can’t go to the gym because of social anxiety
- Wanting to get my teeth fixed but haven’t found the right dentist yet
- Wanting to read more books in a week but limit myself to one book in a week because books are very expensive and because it’s my mom who pays for the books I read
- How the only reason I’m depressed is because of a medical condition and not because I was molested, abused, or financially burdened
- How my depression may get a little better but I’d still be ugly
- How I’ll never get a stable job
- I’m just a spoiled depressed rich kid who is never contented with his life
- I’m a college dropout and I’m okay with it which is bad for business
- Fantasizing that one day I’ll meet a girl as clinically depressed as me and we’ll fall in love and we’ll live happily ever after
- Fantasizing that I’ll get published before I turn 25 and people would love my book which is very narcissistic of me since I’m not even finished with my first draft
- And how I may have lost my mind with all these sad thoughts
- And how my brain has betrayed me
- And how I think I should not think anymore and just do what I want to do but that would be very hard to do because I’m very depressed.
But I would try in order to find my sanity.